Rant rant rant...

RED-FACED ASSHOLE! Sorry I have tourettes at the moment and it felt really great to blurt that out.

I now present, for your enjoyment and my venting relief, a short play. Based on a true story. The characters: red-faced man, and me. Aaron. Here is a picture of red-faced man so you have someone to imagine:

Wow, it really looks like him down to the sour-face scowl and everything. OK. Also when you see "wull" just know it's a lazy way of pronouncing "well." Now to set the scene...

It's a busy day at a small pawn shop in Tehachapi. The economy is bad so everyone is having a hard time. The little hock shop is trying to keep up, writing loans and buying and selling things. The owner is a father of one who enjoys poetry and things that are soft and fuzzy. He's had a long day and is looking forward to going home soon. And in case you forgot...he's me.

ENTER Red-Face. See picture above.

He hands me a white jewelry box. I open it to find a pretentious little chain and round pendant with tiny little diamonds around the edge. It's something the jewelry stores would sell for around $99 on Valentines day claiming the diamonds add up to 1/4 carat but they're so small they buy them for pennies wholesale and it only costs about $25 to make. I look at the piece. I look at red-face. I can read people pretty well and I know he's going to throw a temper tantrum when I tell him it will be $10 for a loan, based on the wholesale value of a couple of grams of 10 karat gold. So I hand it back to him and say "I'm going to have to pass."

He mutters in short words like an angry cave man...like Billy Mays with a stutter.

Red-Face: "I paid $1,198 for it."

I shake my head at him.

Red-Face: "Wull...I sure did I have the receipt."

Aaron: "I'm going to have to pass."

Red-Face: *sputter* *cough* *gasp* *he pams the jewelry box and fumes* "Well you know I think that's just insulting and it's RUDE!"

Aaron: "Rude? How are numbers rude?"

Red-Face: "Wull how about doin' a favor for a good customer who comes in here all the time?"

(Red-Face has been in once or twice, always with his buddy...always with junk I don't really want and ALWAYS with a sour face and a bad attitude. Plus they stink)

Aaron: "I'm not here to do favors, I'm here to make money and that's all it's based on. It's based on the item you have and how much it's worth."

Red-Face: "OHHH it's all about the money huh? It's all about the money for you HUH?"

Aaron: *in disbelief at this guy* "Uh, yeah. I'm here to make a living."

Red-Face: "WULL! That's just GREAT I feel SORRY for you." *he stops at the door* "I'm going to pray for you." *he gives a haughty look and tilts his head to the side* "Or maybe I won't!"

Aaron: *out of earshot* "See ya, dickhead."

I update my Facebook status something along the lines of "You know red-face you aren't a good customer you're a DILDO and you're houghing out doesn't come as any real surprise..."

Basically, 50% of the stuff people bring in is worthless crap...literally stuff that should be sold for $1 at a garage sale or thrown away...but they react like a Steve Martin character (Well EXCCCCUUUUUUUUUSSSEEEE MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!) when I send them on their way. And it's also hilarious/irritating when they get so indignant and I SWEAR I try so hard to be polite and respectful...

So Red-Face nutsack gerbil jerk...excuse me...that's not called for... He comes back in today and has an old tube CRT TV. In case you don't know those are like the old TV's we all had in ancient times of pre-2005. Now they barely sell them and I've learned from experience that it will take me about 6 months to give them away.

No thanks.

Paint sprayer? Again. I'm taking a lot of hassle free pawns...easy stuff like gold and guitars and nice tools...and a paint sprayer is a dirty mess that I don't have any way to test and they're showing up everywhere with painters out of work. Naw, I tell him.

I'm waiting for him to ask about something else so I can say "Look I'm not in a hurry to do you any favors, so come back in few weeks and maybe I'll have forgotten about you."

That happens a lot. Some jerk is...well a jerk...I tell myself I'm done doing business with them. They come back a few months later and I figure maybe they went to rehab and are a decent person again.

Anyway. This has been nice and therapudic. Hope you enjoyed it.

I'm still giggling about how much that picture looks like this dude.

Dear Lord, please absolve me of my prickishness. I am a good person. I treat most of my customers well. I need not feel guilty for telling one red faced poop that he can stick it... Amen.

Ben Folds Concert 5/20/2009

Thoughts and observations from last night.

First, what's the deal with ticket scalpers and people trying to run scams/sell unauthorized merchandise at events?  I don't understand how it works exactly.  We were standing in line and these three black guys keep walking up and down the line asking if anyone has extra tickets.  Extra tickets?  You got extra tickets?  Extra tickets anyone?  Anyone have an extra ticket?  They do this about 3 times each.  They are all middle aged, dressed casually.  Maybe I'm naive but what's the gist of this game?  They are not Ben Folds fans.  I'll tell you why.  First, they are the only black people there.  I'd estimate the crowd at about 3,000 white people, 3 asians, 5 mexicans, and ZERO black people.  Second, they are careful not to cross paths with the employees of the Palladium.  They worked separately, not acting like they are together, but after they've each worked the line they go across the street and stand behind some newspaper dispensers and stare at us.  At all of us standing there.  When we go inside they are still standing there, staring.

What I want to know is how exactly does this game work?  Are they asking people if they have extra tickets to sell looking for someone who says "No, I NEED a ticket actually!"?  Do they do this because they'll get in trouble if they just go around trying to blatantly sell tickets?  I'm curious because it seems like they were just lame and wasting their time.  No one can make money scalping tickets at a Ben Folds concert.  If that's what they were doing.  Maybe someone can englighten me on this...

Moving along...later I was a little perturbed that teenage girls do not understand my humor.  There was this gaggle of little high school girls behind us and to my right.  I say little because they were all very very short.  And teenagery.  Anyway, we got there way early to get good seats...err...good places to stand as there were no seats.  And then all these other latecomers come and crowd in and I feel bad because they won't be able to see.  But too bad, right?  One of the teenies says "This is my sister and it's her birthday and she loves Ben Folds sooo much and do you think you could make some room and let her squish up so she can see?"  I turn around and say "Well...I'm a little hungry, do you have any snacks?  Maybe some cheez-its or gummy worms?"  They all look confused.  I tell the girl that once the concert starts everyone will squish and move around and she will be able to see.  I tell her sister "And you didn't need to make up that whole story about 'she's my sister' and 'it's her birthday,' you can just ask nicely!" in the sillyest tone I can muster and she says "No she is my sister!"  And they all look confused and I give up.  Minutes later, Ben comes out to introduce some A Cappela groups that are singing his songs (like on the CD: Ben Folds Presents University A Capella).  Everyone screams and goes crazy.  The b-day girl is right next to me.  I say "Can you see him, can you see him?"  "YES!"  "Happy birthday!"  "Thank you!"  lol...

On Ben's album he does a song called "You Don't Know Me" with Regina Spektor.  I was thinking what they would do when they got to that song, since it's a popular song from his new CD.  I thought since it's in LA and everyone lives in LA maybe there would be some surprise guest to sing it.  I told Kendra if Regina Spektor showed up to sing it I would pee my pants.  Thankfully (for my pants) she wasn't.  Sara Bareilles showed up.  She sang that song with Ben AND she played MC to introduce the A Capella groups and judge which one the audience liked best.  I was actually more excited to see Sara than I would have Ms. Spektor.  Surprisingly, I didn't pee my pants when she walked out!  But then she brought out Josh Groban.  It was too much and I crapped my pants with excitement.  Twelve times.

The concert was incredible, of course.  Ben played 6 or 7 songs from his new CD (which we familiarized ourselves with during the ride to Hollywood) and many classic songs.  I pretty much cried when he played "Gracie" live (it's our daughter's name and her official song).  Rocked out when they played a lot of high energy songs like "Army" and "Underground."  Almost cried again for "Fred Jones."  It's just so touching...  And one final time when he brought out Josh Groban at the end to sing the song that Ben wrote for his son, "Still Fighting It."  Beautiful!

I later learned (on Twitter) that Weird Al and Kenneth from 30 Rock were hanging out back stage and Bob Saget was in the audience somewhere.

Here are the two best pictures I got with my iPhone.  The first is Ben and the band and the second is Josh Groban.  None of my pictures of Sara turned out but Kendra took a ton (and a few videos) with her digital camera.